How to be more assertive at your workplace
Finding the balance between silence and aggression at work
Dear readers,
A few years ago, I found myself in a situation at work that taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my career.
I was leading a project that had tight deadlines. A colleague kept missing updates I needed from them, which started delaying my work. At first, I stayed silent—I didn’t want to come across as pushy. But the silence only made things worse. My manager asked why timelines were slipping, and I realized I was taking the hit for something I hadn’t spoken up about.
That was my turning point. I had to learn how to express my needs clearly without sounding rude. Instead of saying, “You never give me updates,” I started saying, “I need the report by Wednesday so I can finalize the deck by Friday.” That shift—from vague frustration to clear, respectful communication—changed everything. My colleague responded better, deadlines stopped slipping, and I felt a sense of control return to my work.
That’s the power of assertiveness. It’s not aggression, and it’s not silence. It’s about communicating in a way that values both your perspective and the other person’s.
In today’s fast-paced work environments, technical skills alone aren’t enough to thrive. Whether you’re presenting ideas to stakeholders, negotiating deadlines, or collaborating with peers, how you communicate makes a world of difference.
1. Understand Assertiveness (and How It Differs from Aggression)
Aggressive communication pushes your perspective at the cost of others.
Passive communication avoids conflict but often leaves you unheard.
Assertive communication strikes the balance: it’s direct, clear, respectful, and solution-focused.
For example, instead of writing:
“You never respond to my emails.”
Say:
“I had sent you an email last week regarding the project estimation. Could you share the details by today so I can finalize the report?”
This way, you’re stating facts, setting expectations, and staying professional
2. Use the Pyramid Principle for Clarity
When making your point, avoid burying the key message under unnecessary details. Instead, follow a top-down structure:
Answer (Assertion): State the most important idea upfront.
Argument: Support it with logical reasoning.
Evidence: Back it up with data.
For example, instead of:
“We should consider using the new tool because it might help some processes, though I know there’s resistance.”
Say:
“The new tool can save employees 10 hours a week (Answer). It automates repetitive workflows (Argument), and three other teams have already reported efficiency gains (Evidence).”
3. Master Assertiveness Tools
The second deck introduces practical conversational techniques you can use when facing resistance.
Broken Record: Calmly repeat your request without getting sidetracked.
Fogging: Acknowledge the valid part of criticism without absorbing exaggerations.
Negative Inquiry: Ask questions to clarify vague criticism (e.g., “Could you tell me what you’d like improved in my emails?”).
Positive No (Yes-No-Yes): Say no respectfully by affirming the other person’s needs, stating your refusal, and ending with a constructive alternative.
Example:
“I understand this feature is important to you (Yes). However, we can’t deliver all ten changes in this release (No). What we can do is prioritize the top three and revisit the rest next sprint (Yes).”
4. Be Specific and Sensitive
Generalizations like “You’re always late” or “This timeline is impossible” spark defensiveness. Assertiveness relies on specific facts and empathy:
Instead of “He is impatient”, say “He asked for updates five times in two hours yesterday, which disrupted the flow.”
Instead of “The client is demanding”, say “The client requested five design changes within two days.”
5. Say “No” Without Burning Bridges
Many professionals struggle with saying no because they fear being seen as uncooperative. But over-committing leads to stress and poor delivery.
The Yes-No-Yes approach helps:
Yes: Show understanding (“I know this project is important to you”).
No: State your boundary firmly (“We can’t add these changes to this release”).
Yes: Offer a constructive way forward (“We can include them in the next sprint”).
6. Match Your Communication to Context
Assertiveness also means being mindful of when and how you communicate:
Avoid sending emotional or confrontational emails—opt for a call or face-to-face chat.
Don’t schedule heavy discussions at times when people are mentally checked out (like late Friday evenings).
Keep your language human and jargon-free to ensure clarity
7. Build Influence Without Authority
Being assertive isn’t just about voicing your needs—it’s about influencing others while respecting their perspectives. Use the six principles of persuasion to strengthen your stance:
Reciprocity: Offer help before asking for it.
Authority: Share expertise to earn credibility.
Social Proof: Highlight how others have adopted your idea.
Scarcity: Emphasize opportunities that may not last.
Consistency: Link your request to past commitments.
Liking: Build rapport so people want to say yes
Final Thoughts
Assertiveness is not about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about being clear, confident, and considerate. When you communicate assertively, you:
Earn respect without creating resentment
Manage conflicts productively
Influence decisions even without formal authority
Create stronger, more collaborative workplaces
Start small—whether it’s rewriting one email to be more assertive, practicing a Positive No in your next meeting, or using the pyramid principle in your presentations. Over time, assertiveness becomes less of a skill you practice and more of a professional habit that elevates your impact.